


Porcelain Face

by buckysbears (DrZebra)



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: (she's working on it), Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Past Child Abuse, Post-Season/Series 05 Finale, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, background catradora and scorfuma, but not before losing her shit a little bit, catra finally REALLY apologizes, possessive Catra, rated for language, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:01:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24360268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrZebra/pseuds/buckysbears
Summary: Catra snaps when Scorpia's black garnet powers get too up close and personal.She'll have to apologize for that after she calms down. There's a lot she needs to apologize for.
Relationships: Catra & Scorpia (She-Ra)
Comments: 34
Kudos: 297





	Porcelain Face

**Author's Note:**

> thank you agentcalliope and nightlocktime for taking a look at this before i posted :* based on an anonymous prompt on tumblr - thank you anon! 
> 
> title from this is home by cavetown 
> 
> cw for catra getting triggered by past abuse, but the abuse itself is not discussed

Catra kept her claws out and dug into her palms the whole time she crept through the wreckage of the Fright Zone with Scorpia at her side. She didn’t know why Adora and Perfuma had insisted the two of them teamed up to dredge the old base for—what, exactly? Tech, supplies—stars forbid, _people_? Catra thought it was better to raze the place to the ground and let Scorpia start her kingdom on fresh soil.

But she also thought that wasn’t the real reason they were here. Adora needed closure. Scorpia needed closure. And, according to Perfuma, she and Scorpia _really needed to talk some things out_.

That was true. They needed to. Did she want to? Absolutely not. Was she going to? Maybe. Eventually. Not here, now. She wasn’t … (ready? stable? brave?)

She’d apologized, briefly, in the warm glow of the aftermath. She knew, despite the forgiveness, that it wasn’t enough. There was so much left between them. Catra knew those words weren’t enough to make up for all she’d done.

“Well, gosh,” Scorpia was saying. Catra’s ears swiveled as she forced herself out of her own thoughts. “I don’t really remember what my kingdom was like before the Horde came in. I was raised in the Horde, you know? I don’t know how to rule a kingdom, much less build one from scratch.”

Catra hummed.

They continued to wander, absently picking through the rubble.

“All the other princesses have, like, their own _thing_ , you know? I’m not really sure what my thing is.”

“An annoying overabundance of sincerity,” Catra grumbled.

Oh. That was mean, right? She was trying to do better, but being on this ‘mission’ with the other woman had a ball of anxiety humming sharply in her chest, desperate to crawl out as scathing remarks and sarcasm.

Yeah. That was mean. She needed to do better, at least for Scorpia’s sake.

She opened her mouth to apologize, but Scorpia cut her off.

“Hmm. I think that’s more Perfuma’s thing.” She blushed at the mention of the flower princess, seemingly no hard feelings about Catra’s comment. “Not that I find it annoying.”

The blush did something weird to Catra’s stomach. Which was—like, bad, right? It wasn’t- Okay she- She was maybe a _little_ jealous. Which was totally bad and stupid. She’d had her chance with Scorpia, and she’d made a royal mess of that. It wasn’t fair at all that Scorpia being happy with someone else would make her feel like this. Plus, she was happy with Adora. Happier than she’d ever been. Adora was her soulmate, if such a thing existed.

Still.

The horrible, selfish little creature inside her was chanting _mine mine mine mine_ and she didn’t know how to make it stop.

She looked away, ears twisting.

Scorpia’s boots clunked on the floor as they walked. Catra thought she should probably say something affirming about, she didn’t know, Scorpia or the future of her kingdom or her relationship with Perfuma. But her throat was tight with shame. There was so much she should say. She didn’t know where to start.

Were they still friends?

Catra didn’t know if they were even still friends.

(she wanted them to be. desperately, she did)

“Scorpia—”

The other woman looked at her, expectant.

Her claws dug in.

Her eyes dropped.

“Maybe we should head back.”

(she was such a fucking coward)

“Yeah,” Scorpia said, obvious disappointment tinting her voice. “Yeah, I don’t think there’s much left here.”

Catra sighed as they turned to walk back towards the entrance, where they said they’d meet back after their missions were done. The metallic, somewhat rotten smell of the Fright Zone was getting to her. She’d gotten used to the clean and perfumey smell of Bright Moon. The stale smell of their ship. The Fright Zone’s stench was just bringing up memories.

So focused on walking through the rubble, lost in her thoughts, she didn’t register the creak and the crack until it was too late.

“Watch out!”

Her tail puffed as she startled, only just taking in the piece of ceiling that had started to fall towards her as Scorpia’s shout reached her ears.

And then the flash. Red, scattered, jumping lightning. The sound of the electricity crackling through the air.

Her wide eyes froze on the red electric as it connected with the rubble and exploded it into dust. She covered her head as it rained down on her hair and shoulders.

Her body shook. Her heart pounded, loud and terrified, behind her ribs.

Her face was shocked still into a wide, wet-eyed stare.

Her legs trembled. She couldn’t breathe.

“Whoa, that was a close one! You okay?”

Hot, molten anger flooded her. She didn’t mean for it to. She didn’t want it. But it stopped the tears from flooding her eyes and let her breathe again.

“Watch where you’re aiming! You almost hit me!”

( _she almost hit me she almost hit me again she almost shocked me she)_

“Sorry!” Scorpia yelped. “It just- It was going to fall on you, and—”

“I could’ve dodged it! You didn’t have to shoot lightning at me!”

Scorpia stared at her as Catra’s form trembled, hands curled to fists and teeth bared in a snarl.

“I’m sorry,” Scorpia said, quiet.

Catra knew she was being ridiculous. But the part of her that wanted to calm down, that wanted to apologize for her outburst and explain herself, was being smothered under the waves of panicked fear that kept her anger flowing.

She _hated_ that she kept talking. She hated it, truly.

“I bet you want to hit me, don’t you? You got a taste for it when you were under his influence—oh, yeah, if you don’t remember, you zapped me _real good_ then, sent me flying about a thousand yards—and you’re still angry at me for everything. You’re still angry and you want to hit me. You missed the others, but you shocked me. Well? _Say it!_ ”

She was expecting Scorpia to be hurt, which is what the twisted little anger monster in her chest wanted. If Scorpia was hurt, then Catra wasn’t; she had the upper hand. It was all very logical and rational, you see, not fueled at all by the terrified child inside her. The terrified little child who’d never gotten to yell at Shadow Weaver and all that the Black Garnet’s power had done to her then.

But Scorpia didn’t look hurt. She looked … well, sad, a little. But more than that—calculating. Like she was trying to figure something out.

Her expression smoothed.

Slowly, she sat on the dusty metal floor, pincers raised by her head.

“What are you doing?” Catra asked, chest heaving. Her eyes darted between the raised pincers. “Y-Yell at me, fight back, _do something!_ ”

Scorpia was silent.

And in the silence, in the face of the calm, Catra unraveled.

“ _Stop_ ,” she croaked, her anger snuffing and tears finally leaking from her eyes. Her ears flattened against her head. She sunk to the floor. “You’re not supposed to … You’re not supposed to do that.”

“What am I supposed to do?” Scorpia asked, quiet.

“I don’t know.” She pulled her knees to her chest, tail curling around herself. “Be mad at me.”

“Shock you?”

Catra’s shoulders trembled.

“I’m sorry I scared you. I didn’t mean to remind you of—”

Catra’s face disappeared behind her knees.

She could hear Scorpia’s even, measured breaths.

“I wouldn’t do that to someone I care about. And I’m sorry it happened when I wasn’t in control.”

“Don’t say that.”

“What?”

“That you care about me.”

There was a pause.

“It’s true, though.”

Catra wheezed a hiss, digging her claws into her legs. “It shouldn’t be. Not after … Not after everything I did to you.”

“… Maybe,” Scorpia said after a moment. “You did some pretty bad shit.”

A self-deprecating laugh squeezed from her chest.

“But I don’t think I’m ever going to stop caring about you, wildcat.”

The laugh turned a little more desperate, something like a sob. It took a minute for the fight to leave her chest, for her to curl fully onto her knees and, for a moment, sit in the shame. She finally raised her head, wiping tears off her cheeks as she attempted to plaster some sort of smile on her face.

“I’m glad you have Perfuma now,” she said, genuine despite her racing heart and tear-clogged throat. “I was never good enough for you.”

A twitch of a smile pulled at Scorpia’s lips, but even that looked sad. “You never gave yourself the chance to be.”

They stared at each other for a moment, tears streaming down Catra’s face. Slowly, Scorpia’s pincers fell to resettle in her lap.

Catra looked down.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you. That was … That was really shitty. I just wasn’t expecting it, and I got scared.”

“Thank you,” Scorpia said. “For my part, I didn’t think how that would look to you.”

Catra wiped at her cheek with the heel of her hand.

“How do you … do that?”

Scorpia’s brows drew as Catra glanced back up at her. “Do what?”

“Just be … I don’t know. So good about stuff. So nice. It’s so hard for me.”

“Practice, mostly.”

Now Catra’s eyebrows were drawing. “What do you mean?”

Scorpia shrugged, turning her gaze to look around the crumpling hallway. “I grew up in the Horde, too. Do you think it came easy to me? You think I got nice by accident?”

“I don’t know.” Catra unfurled a little, resting her chin on her knee. “I kind of assumed you’ve always been like this.”

Scorpia snorted, and Catra was surprised by the noise.

“Nah. Frankly, I used to be a bit of a dick.”

“That … really surprises me.”

“It surprises most people, for some reason.” She looked down to her lap, gently pinching the fabric of her pants. “A lot of people seem to mistake kindness for innocence, naivety. Being kind takes work, you know. It’s a skill, like anything else. You have to practice. You’ll get there in time, wildcat.”

Catra’s ears flicked and flattened.

“I’m not sure I will,” she muttered, glancing away. “Not like you. What, uh … What made you change?”

She sighed, shrugging a little. “I didn’t consider leaving the Horde for a long time. Not until …”

_Not until me_ , Catra thought.

“But at some point I realized that, well … the Horde kind of sucked. But it was my home. My family. My—unfortunate—heritage. I’m loyal; it can be a character flaw. I didn’t want to leave. But I realized that while the Horde sucked, I didn’t have to. When I’d get all … snippy, if you’ll pardon it … it, well, hurt people. My pain was feeding into this whole system, this loop of unhappy people, who were hurt and upset, and just took it out on each other, passed it to the next person. It’s a circle. Self-fulfilling something or other.”

She paused, waiting until Catra caught her eye.

“At some point,” she said, “you have to be strong enough to stop it.”

Catra shrunk, looking away. “I’m trying.”

“I know you are, wildcat. I know you are.” She paused. Nerves skittered across Catra’s chest. “But you have a lot to learn. It’s hard to come to grips with, but kindness is _hard_. It takes strength and discipline. It takes vulnerability, which is scary. But choosing to be kind is one of the bravest things you can do. The day I chose to be different changed my life. And there’s been a lot of rocky moments, but I’m better for it, and I’m never looking back.”

“Scorpia …” Catra gripped her knees, taking a breath before she looked up at her. Scorpia looked back, patient. Catra swallowed. “I’m sorry I wasn’t the person you needed me to be. I’m sorry I … that I was a part of the loop.”

Scorpia’s expression softened. “I appreciate that, wildcat.”

“I _want_ to change,” she told her. “Both for the people around me, so I’m- so I’m not just a part of the circle, but also …” She sighed. “I can’t keep doing this. Living like this is going to kill me.”

“I think it’s been killing you for a while.” Catra’s eyes darted up, and Scorpia smiled at her, soft. “But it’s really brave of you to admit that.”

Catra felt her face flush. “Scorpia, I—” Her grip tightened. “I love you. And- And I’m sorry it wasn’t in the way you wanted, but- but I do, and I just had to say it. So. There.”

Scorpia’s smile went a little dopey, warm and pleased. “You too,” she said. “And it’s okay.”

Catra nodded quickly, looking away. Her face was still flushed; she was sure she was beet red. But her tail was curling and flicking slowly, unable to contain the pleased motion.

“I have a lot to make up for,” she mumbled. “Thanks for being patient with me.”

“We’ve got all the time in the world, wildcat. I’ll be here.”

She nodded again. “Should we- The others are probably meeting back up now.”

They rose, and as they walked, Scorpia let her arm rest over Catra’s shoulders. Against the larger woman, Catra felt warm and safe.

That little, possessive part of her told her to rub against the larger woman’s chest, to mark herself all over and say _mine mine mine mine_ … But that wasn’t true. Scorpia wasn’t hers, and that was okay. She wasn’t Perfuma’s, either. Scorpia only belonged to herself, and that was part of what Catra admired so dearly.

She stamped down the urge and merely walked, her own arm around Scorpia’s waist. Her tail flicked behind them. 

Scorpia wasn’t stupid. She wasn’t weak or naive. Her kindness was her strength, and the fact that she shared some of that with Catra, that she _loved_ her, despite everything … 

Barely audible, the rumble of her purr. 

She squeezed closer. 

**Author's Note:**

> currently very excited about she ra so if there is a prompt you'd like to see written, feel free to leave it at buckysbears on tumblr!


End file.
